How I Got Over My “I’m Not Like the Other Girls" Syndrome and Let Myself Enjoy Pop Music Unashamedly

I don’t know how it got into my brain when I was younger that liking what other people like is “bad” or “cliche” or “unintelligent”, but that thought was always there in those formidable years of my youth. I used to roll my eyes at people who were obsessed with One Direction or Taylor Swift, and god help me if we left the radio on in the car for too long. “Put in some CD’s mom, I can’t take this anymore”. As the years passed, this idea manifested itself in different versions. You could find me on the middle school bus looking out the window like some forlorn widow as I listened to Lana Del Rey each morning. I did my homework each night listening to The Neighbourhood and The Arctic Monkeys on 8tracks playlists that I thought were curated perfectly for me. Whenever someone a few grades above me applauded me for my music choices, I felt like I had won at the unspeakable rule I had learned years ago.

Fast track to today, I am currently listening to old Taylor Swift and Dua Lipa’s sophomore album. Even more shocking, I am starting to understand how creative and intelligent pop music truly is. I used to think that its repetitive beats, simple cookie cutter formats, and bouncy tunes were meant for simple minded people. (Someone please help younger me, I was so quietly cruel.) I genuinely thought that people who loved music like this were more shallow because they didn’t listen to “real music”, like The Red Hot Chili Peppers or Leonard Cohen. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I was trying to force my melodrama onto every single person I saw. People can enjoy themselves! Simple does not equate to unintelligent or bad! Just because many people like the same thing it does not mean that they do not have good taste! Inconceivable concepts for younger me, clearly.

“I’m Not Like the Other Girls” syndrome is an issue in and of itself that causes many young (and every age, basically) girls to turn themselves away from enjoying things at the risk of seeming like they lose their uniqueness by liking what many other girls like. We are raised in a way that teaches us to walk on eggshells all of the time, especially when it comes to how others perceive us. Maybe I am projecting my prior experiences onto others, yet again, but I have talked about this issue with my friends and many admit to experiencing it as well. A majority of the movies we watch paint the popular, basic-item loving girl as the enemy almost every single time. And if she is not the enemy, then she is the It girl that we long to be yet feel like we cannot ever attain. Maybe the game that we end up playing is that we are both the quirky, nerd girl and the It girl simultaneously. No one can be labelled so simply after all, and trying to do so places people in boxes that they are not meant to be confined to. This is a topic that deserves a longer discussion that I’ll save for a later time; this is meant to be dedicated to the art that is pop music.

There is something oddly comforting in the simple recipe of the structure that is used to create pop music. It’s what lends it become catchy at astonishing rates and leaves you wanting more. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that it is easy to produce a pop song, I know that I could not accomplish such a feat. It is the very fact that people create such addictive melodies out of age old structures that astounds me. If I could equate it to something that I can actually do, it would be baking. While the general guidelines are there for you, it is your artistry and flair that makes a certain batch of chocolate chip cookies taste different from your neighbor and their neighbor, despite the same basic ingredients. Pop musicians are constantly raising the bar with their alluring intros, relatable verses, addictively upbeat choruses, ingenious bridges, and succinct outros. Inevitably, some songs will be flops on the music charts, but among these there are those golden pop songs that just make you want to dance like there is no tomorrow and as if you have no cares in the world. It transports you to a fantasy world where you are the main character of a dramatic action/dance scene but you never have to deal with any of the fallout.

Pop songs also have the sly quality of masking deeper lyrics with those bubblegum pink sounds that can paint any emotion a brighter color. The most well known example of this is Britney Spears’ lyric “My loneliness is killing me”. A line that packs a punch without us noticing how truly tragic it really is as we sing it on the dancefloor. Another song that I did not think much of until I heard the acoustic version is Katy Perry’s “The One That Got Away”. A song that I used to sing in the car on the way to the beach with my friends had suddenly completely shattered me and stopped time when I listened to the stripped down version. A nostalgia soaked memory of simpler times with a lover during a time in our lives that is normally dripping with intense and confusing emotions. An intense yearning for what could have been but never will be. A look into a mirror stuck in an alternate dimension. It’s not that it took me finding a deeper meaning in the lyrics to appreciate the song, but it adds another dimension of appreciation that I did not have before. I love songs about heartbreak as much as I love songs about looking and feeling like a badass. It just took me breaking down the rules that had been built over the years to realize the ingenuity that was right in front of me.

Life is meant to be enjoyed (at least that’s what I’ve concluded from my minimal philosophy reading and short time on this planet). I think that I thought people who enjoyed pop music and let themselves have fun weren't aware of how grim and gritty life can be. The constant voyeur in my brain told me I looked absolutely ridiculous to be enjoying myself when there were issues in the world and in my immediate life that needed paying attention to. Or maybe I felt that I just looked like a spineless salamander as I wiggled and jumped around to pop music. While I still may look like a wiggly worm in my bedroom and in the club, I have no shame anymore. Pop music is a call to let our guards down and just enjoy ourselves, even if only for a brief moment.

As I’m writing this, a large majority of the United States is under stay-at-home orders due to COVID-19. If you have the luxury of a moment to spare, I hope that you put your records on or blast your speakers and have a dance party. Maybe the most appropriate pop song for such a strange time in our lives is none other than “Till the World Ends” by Britney Spears. Whatever your choice in tunes for the party, I hope that you truly, unashamedly enjoy yourself.

-AG