Introduction

I am sitting in the arts library in hopes that the creativity that is shelved on these walls somehow makes its way over to my brain and permeates throughout my being. People always say that beginning is the hardest part and that you should start in the middle of what you want to write, but I’ve never been one to follow that advice. I push forward against the wall in front of me, often leaving myself battered and bruised. Is it worth it? Can determination ever be a detriment rather than a redeeming quality? Much of my freshman year in college was me pushing against that brick wall everyday: in classes, on walks, in my dorm, and very much so in my own head. But what was I pushing for? Higher grades? Higher leg kicks in dance? To be someone who *actually* survives pre-med and becomes a doctor? I was resilient, but in a broken-toy kind of way - I didn’t take feedback very well, I just kept on chugging forward into oblivion. Anytime something classically “bad” would happen to me, I wouldn’t have a reaction, I would just take a deep breath and accept that my life was going to be lots of fruitless effort only to be mediocre (maybe one of my worst fears, though admitting that makes me cringe). Fail a calculus two exam? Let anxiety take over during a Spanish presentation? I began to accept that I was a conglomeration of poorly executed mishaps and that the previous 18 years of accomplishment in my life were forever gone. Everything changes in college after all, right?

While my sophomore year technically began over the summer, I recognize fall semester as the true new beginning, and am relieved to say that I no longer feel like I am pushing against a wall into the unknown. I am rather accepting the unknown and making peace with the wall. I do not know if I am going to medical school, graduate school (or both!), or if I will ever find a way to pursue all of my dreams, but that’s okay - I have time. Contrary to what freshman year me believed, nothing is the end of the world, not even the things that make you cry so hard you can’t catch your breath. The fact that I am even writing this right now is incredible, as last year I would have cowered at the mere concept of putting my thoughts out there for the rest of the world to see.

Finally, now we come to what would be classified as the actual introduction to this website/blog/online journal. Ever since I was a little girl, I loved writing (cliche, I know). I still remember (and have) the writing piece I wrote in third grade about what our dream home would look like - mine had large river-washed stones the color of a faded, hazy sunset, there was a glorious weeping willow tree in the backyard among the soft grass, and forest creatures could dwell freely outdoors among my planted lilacs. I’ve been a dramatic, hopeless romantic ever since I could speak, is basically my point. Does that somehow make me qualified to be writing something and posting it online for others to read instead of keeping these thoughts to myself? Not by any means, but this writing is for myself as much as it is for those who choose to read it. For some reason, I feel that the patchwork quilt of my life has granted me with many experiences and provided me with many perspectives on different topics in life. But I am also still learning, and always will be. It is terrifying to think that others will be reading some of my deepest thoughts about the world around me, but that’s exactly what I love doing regarding other people. It’s how we learn and grow and come to have new opinions - by listening to what others have to say. Some of my favorite writers include Kurt Vonnegut, Mary Oliver, Anaïs Nin, Shel Silverstein, and Virginia Woolf. While I would love to publish a book one day, writing here and now seems like a good start. It’s a place to test the waters, make mistakes, explore different topics and genres, and try out styles of writing. So you may be wondering at this point what exactly I will be writing about. Good question! I am unsure, but that is okay, even wonderful - why limit myself when I’ve only just begun? I have many old writings that I want to post to begin with; many are from creative prompts that I answered while applying to colleges two years ago, many are random ideas that I wrote about in the Notes app on my phone, and some are just quotes that I have copied down because they made me really think. If you have a topic that seems interesting and you want me to maybe give my perspective on it, message me! I already know that some people are going to laugh at me for making something like this, but sophomore year me is ready to do things for myself, even if other people laugh. If you’ve read this far, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. I can’t wait to see where this goes :)

-AG